


stay

by f_luorescence



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Attempt at smut, Exes, F/M, Friends With Benefits, JenBin, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-24 11:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f_luorescence/pseuds/f_luorescence
Summary: It isn't like anyone planned this at all. Jennie and Hanbin had agreed months ago that they would keep their relationship no strings attached. But some feelings start to develop along the way and both don't know what to do but keep playing pretend.





	1. the past and the present

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am back with a mediocre jenbin fic! this is also my first attempt at smut? but it's not much. i also want to say sorry for deleting my other jenbin fic, ardently. i didnt see any future with it and there really wasnt any backbone in the story.
> 
> anyway! enough chitchat! i hope u guys enjoy reading it!

"Fuck, oh my god, _yes_." Jennie moans. Her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth, her eyes rolling back and squeezing shut.

Jennie lost count — she lost count of the number of times she'd done this. This, meaning, Hanbin calling him up, sometimes drunk, most times sober, and wanting to fuck. Yes, fuck — frickle-frackle, bang, shack, _sex_. That's all their relationship is made up of. And no, they're not in a relationship. Hell, they're not even friends. Acquaintances, more like. Jennie is nothing but Hanbin's booty call, and you know, vice-versa.

Honestly speaking, it had been fine in the past. A no-strings-attached type of relationship was what they both wanted, but now, Jennie doesn't know what she wants.

White liquid spills from Hanbin's dick, dripping down on Jennie's bare stomach. He rests his forehead on her shoulder, his breathing ragged and loud. Hanbin lifts his head then leans down for one last kiss before standing up to get a towel from his bathroom.

He returns with a small, white towel in his hand, damp from having been run under the water. He sits beside Jennie, then wipes all of the semen off. She keeps her eyes on him. She silently watches as his eyes travel from her stomach to her neck, where he marked her, bit and sucked until the spot turned a lovely shade of red and violet, then his eyes flick to hers. His irises are devoid of any emotion, but it makes Jennie's breath hitch, still. He stands up and throws the towel on his bathroom sink.

"What time will you be leaving?" Hanbin asks as he ransacks his closet for something wearable for Jennie. He tosses her a white shirt big enough to be her dress.

"Don't worry," Jennie starts as she slips into the shirt, "I won't be here when you wake up." Her response sounding more biting than what she had originally intended.

Hanbin doesn't respond, instead he pulls a pair of sweats up his lower body then sits beside Jennie and pulls her into a kiss. Hanbin's hand rests on Jennie's neck, while the other pulls her close by the waist.

He groans before breaking the kiss just to say, "God, I love your lips so much."

Jennie laughs, and Hanbin feels the vibration on her neck as he peppers it with more kisses. He nips lightly at the hickey he left there earlier, and Jennie moans from the pain and pleasure.

"Why did you even give me a shirt to wear if you were planning for a round two?" Jennie teases, her hands on Hanbin's shoulders.

"I like undressing you," is all he says before leaning in to kiss her again, but this time, Jennie dodges.

"I want to sleep, I need to go to work in —" she pauses to look at the digital clock sitting in Hanbin's bedside table; it's three-thirty-seven a.m., "— less than four hours." She plops her head on the fluffy, white pillows behind her.

Hanbin groans but still lies down next to Jennie. He wraps an arm around her waist after pulling the blanket over them.

"You know, if you weren't so clingy and so damn needy, I'd probably be in my house right now." Jennie instantly regrets looking at him, as beautiful as ever. He is staring at her, and despite how dark his eyes are, Jennie can clearly see Hanbin's dilated pupils. She almost shakes her head in disbelief. How the man in front of her still has the energy and libido, Jennie doesn't know. She would like to think that maybe she's just that great in bed — like he would often tell her — but the thought itself pains her: how all she'll ever be is someone to satisfy the other's sexual fantasies and desires — to feed his lust.

"Shut up, your apartment's not that far from mine. It doesn't even fall under the word far cause it's literally right at the end of the hallway," Hanbin replies teasingly before closing his eyes.

Jennie does the same, only difference is that she hopes — or begs to whatever superior being there is — that when she wakes up, she doesn't love him anymore.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuk's warm smile greets Jennie when she steps in the café a block away from her apartment building. She has to finish the plan for her clients' house, which was supposed to be due on Thursday of the following week, but the goddamn husband couldn't wait and wanted the design in three days' time. So, here she is, in a café buying all the caffeinated drinks she can drink and all the cavity-inducing food she can eat, hoping to help her in staying awake.

"Good evening," Donghyuk greets when Jennie is only a few steps away from the counter.

She gives him a small smile and greets him back, "Good evening, Donghyuk." She glances at the variety of cakes on the glass container beside the cash register. She ponders for a moment before coming to a decision. "I'll have eight slices of the triple chocolate cake for take-out."

The younger stares, not quite believing what he just heard. "Noona, that's... that's one whole cake..." He trails off. Still unsure whether he should punch in Jennie's order or not, Donghyuk's pointer finger hovers over the screen of the cash register.

Jennie smiles innocently, and replies, "Yes, and I want it for take-out."

Donghyuk's eyes switches from staring at the woman in front of him and at the cash register screen. He answers a hesitant affirmative before asking, "Would you like anything else?"

"10 chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and one grande hazelnut caffe latte."

Before Donghyuk can say another thing, Jennie cuts him off. "Yes, Donghyukkie, I know that 10 cookies is one whole jar. Now, go get my order," she says.

 

* * *

 

Jennie closes her eyes as soon as she walks into the elevator in her apartment building and presses her floor button. Maybe sleeping with Hanbin and getting only two hours of sleep wasn't a wise decision, and maybe she should have foreseen this to happen, but Jennie, as she had always been, is never a good decision maker. And Hanbin being in the picture doesn't help either.

She is joined in the elevator by another person, who seems to have run to catch the elevator with how he's trying hard to catch his breath. The panting stops, and a voice speaks up.

"Oh — Jennie?"

Jennie opens one eye to see whom the voice belongs to. She closes her eye again as she tries to act nonchalant and indifferent when she sees Hanbin. But truthfully, she closed her eye again because she didn't want to see the hickey on his neck, the hickey she definitely did not put on him.

"Glad you had fun while I was trying to work with only two hours of sleep." _Stupid, Jennie_ thinks, _there you fucking go again._

"Huh?" Hanbin asks, confused.

Jennie almost wants to smack him for acting ignorant to what she's talking about. "My eyes right now may be the most tired it has been all my life, but I can clearly see the bruise forming on your neck, Hanbin." She sighs, then peeks through one eye. "At least try to cover it up when you're going out. South Korea still isn't open to pre-marital sex, you know?"

Hanbin laughs, causing Jennie to open both of her eyes and raise one eyebrow in question.

"This isn't a hickey, _Jen-Jen_ ," he says with that teasing tone. "Chanwoo pinched me because I couldn't stay awake during the movie."

Jennie hums in response before walking out of the elevator. _Nice job, Jennie,_ she thinks, _continue this attitude and you'll get over him in no time._

"Hey," Hanbin says from behind her.

She hasn't even started yet, and she's already failed on her mission. A simple hey, and she's back to where she started, albeit not even one step closer to the finish line.

The brunette turns around, cocking her head to one side.

"Are you free tonight?" He has his eyebrows raised as he asks this, lips left parted when he finishes talking.

Jennie can just see the little Jennie doll getting kicked out of the Moving On Game, and landing on the Mountain of the Hopeless.

She breathes before answering, "No, I have to work on something today." Jennie turns around and exhales, thankful to have been able to decline Hanbin's very tempting offer.

"It's a friday night, pretty sure the club's full today. Maybe you can find someone there," Jennie says one last time before walking away completely, and entering her apartment.

She rests the back of her head against the front door, then groans before stomping towards her kitchen.

"Seriously, Jennie, you could've just said no and left it at that, why — why did you have to tell him to go to the fucking club? You just sounded so pathetic and jealous. What kind of dumbass does that?" The brunette scolds herself as she puts the cake and latte inside the refrigerator, and her cookies on the counter.

Jennie goes into her bathroom for a quick shower to freshen and wake herself up a little bit. She stands under the shower and lets out a groan in frustration as her mind drifts to the boy in apartment I-07.

 

* * *

 

Jennie had just finished wearing clothes and drying her hair when the doorbell buzzes. She looks at the screen beside the door and sees the person she least wanted to see. And no, it's not Hanbin, because hell, even though he makes her heart hurt a little, he's exactly who she wanted to see at the moment, and not the human embodiment of a turd standing in front of her door.

She presses the button to turn the microphone on and speaks, annoyance and spite dripping from every word, "Get the fuck out of here or I'm gonna have security drag your crusty ass outside."

The man stares at the camera with sorry eyes, but Jennie knows better than to fall for that. It doesn't work on her anymore, especially when all she remembers every time she sees his face is him sleeping and naked on his bed with another girl.

Jennie had used her one week vacation to surprise her then boyfriend only to be surprised herself when she had caught him with his hands around another girl's waist and sleeping deeply. Instead of lashing out, she had gone straight to the cabinet where he kept cans of spray paint. She had grabbed the red and black ones and sprayed all of his beloved shoes with it. And to top it all off, she had written a little message on the wall behind the bastard's couch: " _HOPE YOUR THREE-INCH DICK HAD FUN FUCKING ANOTHER WOMAN WHILE I WAS AWAY, CHEATER. ❤JEN_ "

She had made sure to slam the door really hard before she left. It was only when she had gone inside her hotel room did she finally release the tears she had been holding. She had felt so stupid then, to believe all of his excuses — how he couldn't answer at least one of her calls or even text messages because "uni overloaded him with school works." _What bullshit_ , she had thought as she remembered those words.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I still love you, and I really want us to start over again," the man on the other side of the door says, and Jennie wonders how he can still have the gall to say that after what he had done to her.

Trash will forever be trash, she supposes.

Jennie opens the door harshly, her piercing eyes staring right at the thick-skinned bastard. "I'm gonna count to ten, and if you're still here after that, I'm gonna call the cops and report you for harrassment and trespassing."

The man blinks, feeling uneasy but still standing his ground.

"I didn't forget what you did weeks ago, and the weeks before that, too. And you know, from the years I wasted my life with you, I always, always do what I say I would." Jennie glares at him. She fumes with anger, this is definitely, not only ruining her night, but her entire week as well.

"No, Jennie, please. Just give me —"

"One," the brunette starts to count, staring at the empty hallway as the man in front of her kneels and pleads.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I regret everything I ever did, Jennie."

"Two." Jennie shoves him away the moment he touched her hands.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, please."

" _Ten_." Jennie's eyes go south, stabbing the man with her icy glare.

Without another word, the man scrambles up to his feet and runs to the elevator. Jennie closes the door to her apartment and heads to her kitchen to grab her food and coffee.

She already has a design drafted, she just has to finish the blueprint tonight, then she can start on the model tomorrow.

Jennie enters her office and places all the things she needs to get her work done. She pulls her hair into a bun, then slips her eyeglasses on.

She exhales and grabs the blueprint paper, laying it on the brown table in front of her.

The doorbell's ringing disrupts her. Thinking that it's still her ex, she stomps towards the front door and opens it.

"Listen here, you fucker. I told you to go away —" Jennie halts herself when she sees Hanbin staring at her with wide eyes.

"S–sorry," the flustered man stutters out as an answer. "I'm just gonna go, sorry." He starts to walk away and Jennie bites her lip as she thinks about what to do.

"Wait!" Upon hearing her voice, Hanbin turns around. "Come in, I could really use your company." Jennie smiles while Hanbin obliges to the request.

"You seemed pretty mad back there, what happened?" Hanbin asks when he settled himself on Jennie's office chair.

Jennie had hoped that Hanbin would just let what happened be, but of course, Hanbin being Hanbin, he wouldn't.

"Thought you were someone else." She shrugs as she gives him the vaguest answer she could. She starts on her work, her hands, and pencil and ruler moving across the paper. "You can eat some cake I have there on the table in front of you if it stops you from asking anymore questions."

Hanbin laughs, and Jennie has to mentally remind herself to slap her cheeks five times later for her stupid decision of letting the man inside her apartment.

The brown-haired man cuts onto the cake, placing a slice on a plate then starts to eat. "I was supposed to just come in but you changed the passcode to your unit so I had to ring the doorbell," Hanbin says as he spins around with the chair he's sitting on.

"Had to change it for security purposes," Jennie answers simply.

Hanbin hums and just continues to finish his cake.

"You look really hot when you're working and wearing glasses," Hanbin, who seems to not be able to shut up, tells Jennie as he stares at her.

Jennie turns to look at him. She almost loses the serious look she has on her face when she sees Hanbin smirking at her. "Shut up, because I really don't have the time to have sex with you tonight, Hanbin." She rolls her eyes before reverting her attention back to the blueprint in front of her.

Hanbin shakes his head. "As much as I want to bend you over the table right now — believe me, I'm trying hard not to — that was a genuine compliment. You look great."

Jennie scoffs, "If you wanted more cake, you could've just said so. No need for all the flattery nonsense."

"Seriously, Jennie, take a compliment, will you?"

"Really hard to learn how to do that, if you've never received one all your life, you know?" Despite talking about her insecurities, a subject she prefers not to dwell in, Jennie is doing great at acting indifferent.

Sensing her discomfort, Hanbin makes the mood lighter by saying, "Is that why you have a praising kink?"

Jennie looks at him again, and she almost cries at the smile Hanbin has for her. He may not know about the effect it has on her, but the reassuring smile he has, despite saying such a sexual thing, made Jennie want to hug (and maybe even kiss) him.

"You're impossible," she says, setting her glasses down the mahogany table. She shakes her head as she walks towards him. She sits near the edge of the table in front of Hanbin and crosses her leg. She takes a tiny piece of cake and eats it before sipping on her drink.

Hanbin hums, placing his hand on Jennie's bare thigh. "And you're impossible to resist," he says as he caresses a tiny spot with his thumb.

He is standing in front of her now, pupils dilated and filled with lust. The growing tent he's sporting is visible now, only shows how great Jennie's effect on him is. He runs his hand across the inside of Jennie's thighs before stopping to hold onto the underside of her knees. He spreads her legs apart, to which Jennie happily obliges to. He wraps her legs around him, his clothed dick pressing onto her. Hanbin's tent only grows bigger and harder, his craving for Jennie aching to be satisfied.

He crashes his lips onto hers, but he pulls back when he can't grab her hair. "No, no, no." Hs shakes his head. "This is getting in the way." He points to the little bun on top of Jennie's head, all the while staring intently at her.

"Oh," is all Jennie says before moving her hands to remove her hair from its bun. But Hanbin is quick to stop her, catching her hands before they even have the chance to touch the ball of hair on her head.

"You keep your hands to yourself, baby  
Let me do all the work." He leans in again, placing Jennie's hand behind his neck before kissing her.

Hanbin starts gentle, more focused on getting Jennie's long, and beautiful hair down. And when he successfully gets the hair out of being tied, he smiles triumphantly against the kiss. He pulls Jennie's hair, causing her to gasp. Hanbin takes this chance to slip his tongue into Jennie's mouth. Jennie tastes like chocolate, and coffee, and well, probably the best flavor Hanbin has ever tasted in the world — Jennie. Hanbin cannot describe how Jennie tastes, all he knows is she's his favorite flavor in the world. And maybe, that's why he always craves her, every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

Jennie's hands travel from Hanbin's neck to his shirt. She clutches it tightly before pulling Hanbin closer to her. He moves onto her neck, her oh-so-beautiful neck. Jennie throws her head back to allow Hanbin more access. She keeps her hand tangled in his hair as she bites her lip to keep herself from moaning.

Jennie arches her back and moans loudly when Hanbin's hot mouth starts sucking on her clothed nipple.

With her hands, Jennie lifts Hanbin's head from her breasts and stares at him dead in the eyes. She says, "Just fuck me already."

Hanbin pulls her to kiss her harshly. He only stops to say, "About damn time you said that." His hands reach down to the hem of Jennie's night gown, slowly lifting it up as his tongue works wonders into Jennie's mouth.

Jennie, in all her naked glory, sits with her legs spread while Hanbin's eyes travel around her body.

"You don't wear underwear when you sleep?" Hanbin doesn't look at Jennie's face, keeping his eyes down to the inviting slit she has down there.

Jennie reaches for Hanbin's shirt before pulling it over his head. She trails one manicured finger across the expanse of his broad chest and his hard abs. She doesn't break eye contact as she grips his hard cock through his sweatpants. "I like to touch myself before I sleep," she replies, her hand squeezing tighter, causing Hanbin to drop his head onto Jennie's shoulder and bite it.

"F–fuck, that's so h–hot," he manages to say despite Jennie's hand making its way inside his pants and stroking him unapologetically, and not forgetting to run her thumb across the head.

Hanbin's control earlier got snatched away by Jennie, just like that. One simple touch from her and he's melting, she has him wrapped around that little finger of hers.

Jennie lifts Hanbin's head then runs her forefinger across the precum on his dick. She licks the liquid off of her finger, maintaining the eye contact she has with the man in front of her. "But that's for another time. Right now," she says as she removes Hanbin's pants, "I just need you to focus on getting this —" she taps the tip of Hanbin's desperately hard dick, "— inside me —" She brings her lips to his ear, then whispers, "— _raw_."

Hanbin curses under his breath before placing his hands on Jennie's ass and lifting her up. He positions his cock with his hand while the other supports Jennie's weight. Slowly, he pushes into her. He likes the verbal response he receives, Jennie's mewls and moans are music to his ears.

"You feel so good like this," Hanbin says before kissing Jennie, her moans getting drowned by Hanbin's mouth and by the sound of skin on skin.

The chocolate cake and caffeinated drink quickly ends up neglected by the other end of the table. The blueprints share the same fate as they lie limply at the other table opposite the pair. And they may not have noticed, but ever since months before, sex with the other isn't just sex anymore, it's — as cheesy as it sounds — turned into making love.

After all, it wasn't the sex that made each other stay after all this time — something far greater and powerful than lust.

 


	2. first impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry this took so long ive been preoccupied these past days hehe but here u are! since it was jennie's bday and there were many great updates on ikon last week, i decided to post this :) enjoy!

Jennie wakes up with her back aching terribly and two pairs of wide eyes staring at her.

"Jisoo? What are you doing here?" Jennie squints, the sun outside blinding her.

Jisoo, her best friend, gulps and covers the eyes of the man beside her. She points to Jennie's body. The brunette looks down and shrieks when she sees her naked body. She covers whatever her hands can and turns to face Hanbin who's still asleep beside her.

She slaps his thigh then whispers with such urgency, "Hanbin, wake up!" The man stirs, but doesn't wake up. In annoyance, Jennie pulls his arm. "Wake the _fuck_ up!"

With a groan, Hanbin sits up. With his eyes still closed, he rests his forehead on Jennie's shoulder and wraps his arms around her waist. "I'm still sleepy, can we move to your bedroom?"

Fucking hell, Jennie thinks, did his voice have to sound like that?

"There are other people here, Hanbin, wake up." Upon hearing her words, Hanbin's head shoots up to look at Jennie, and then to the couple in front of them.

 _Shit_ , he mentally curses.

"We're gonna, um, wait in the living room." Jisoo speaks up, pushing her boyfriend outside the room.

"Nice to meet you two!" Jisoo's boyfriend, who Jennie has yet to meet, earns a slap from his girlfriend when he says this.

"You can leave, don't worry. I'll tell her the truth about us," Jennie tells Hanbin as she slips into her nightgown.

He looks at her, asks, "What?" Jennie misses the disappointment in Hanbin's voice.

"I know you don't want anyone to think we're dating, so don't worry, I got this."

"Okay..." Hanbin trails off, getting his shirt from Jennie.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot that they were coming and that Jisoo knows my passcode. Oh my god, I'm just glad that it isn't my mom."

Jennie and Hanbin go out of the room. Jennie pushes him straight to the front door.

"Isn't he staying?" Jisoo's boyfriend asks.

"No, uh, he has to leave for work," Jennie answers. The pair standing by the front door are the only ones who know that what Jennie said is a lie. Hanbin does have work, he's just not needed in the studio every day. Being a composer does have its fair share of perks.

While Hanbin is busy tying his shoelaces, Jennie apologizes again. Hanbin stands up and cuts her off by pressing his lips onto hers. "Bye Jennie," he mutters before leaving.

"Shit," Jennie mumbles to herself when the lock clicks.

She runs to the bathroom. She says as she passes by the couple on the couch, "I'm just gonna take a shower!"

 

* * *

 

"Okay, I can explain, but can we please eat first?" Jennie stands in front of the two people who had seen the aftermath of Hanbin and her's sex.

"Besides the fact that you two had sex in your office, what more is there to explain?" Jisoo asks as she opens the boxes of food she brought. "This is Jiwon, by the way."

Jennie offers a weak smile at the man beside her best friend. "Okay, well, I know what you're thinking but he's not my boyfriend."

"One-night-stands don't kiss each other good bye, Jennie, you're not fooling anyone," Jisoo answers, swatting Jennie's hand when she tries to get a piece of kimbap. "You're not eating unless you tell me about your relationship with that guy."

Jennie pouts. "Why did this suddenly turn into an interrogation about Hanbin and I's relationship when you should be introducing your boyfriend to me?! If anything, I should be the one interrogating someone!"

"So he has a name."

"Of course he has a name, what the fuck, Kim Jisoo?" Jennie's eyebrows knits together, her face scrunched up at her best friend's ridiculous response.

"Shut up. Just tell me you're dating that guy, I wouldn't be mad." Jennie looks at Jisoo with an eyebrow raised, not believing her words. "Okay, maybe only a little because you didn't tell me sooner, but still!"

"Listen, he's not my boyfriend. How many times do I have to tell you? Geez." Jisoo just stares at her, waiting for Jennie to continue. " _Okay!_ We fuck each other from time to time, friends with benefits, if that's how you want to call it!" Jennie shoves a slice of kimbap into her mouth.

"Eh?" The couple in front of her looks at each other, then back at her.

"What now?"

"We were positive that you were dating that we bet on how long you two have been together," Jiwon answers.

Jennie wishes that really is the case, but she knows more than anyone that what she wants is far from happening.

"You two are unbelievable." Jennie shakes her head. "What even made you think that we were dating? You only saw us naked together, for fuck's sake!"

"Not gonna lie, even though you had your tits and he had his dick out earlier, the way he rested his head on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you was so cute. Anyone who saw that would think that you're dating."

"Not to mention, the good bye kiss. I've never seen people who aren't dating do that," Jiwon adds.

"He's just really clingy, okay?" Jennie tries to reason out. Her friends' words aren't really helping her, instead, it just gives her false hope.

Jisoo faces Jiwon. "Can you leave us for a moment, babe?" She requests.

Jiwon nods and leaves.

"You like him, don't you?" Jisoo stares at Jennie dead in the eyes.

Jennie sighs, her forehead meeting the marble countertop. "I'm stupid, aren't I?"

Had Jennie known that she would get into this mess in the future, she wouldn't have agreed to the stupid no-strings-attached relationship Hanbin propositioned her the day after their supposed one night stand. It was never Jennie's thing. It was always either she dates the guy, or they never see each other again after one night. It was never Jennie's thing, not until Hanbin came along.

Hanbin has a way with words. The moment he opens that mouth of his and starts talking, you're a goner. It's hard to resist someone who talks like he does. But he never begged Jennie into having that kind of relationship with him. And that's the thing, that's what frustrates Jennie the most, he never begged, he just talked — he talked with the right words and caught Jennie at the right moment.

 _"We can help each other forget,"_ was what Hanbin had told her ten months ago.

She has been doing this with Hanbin for ten months already, and he did help her forget the memories and feelings that haunted her before. But, he also gave her new ones that she wanted to remember.

"For liking him — no. But for not telling him — yes."

"Can you, like, be a little less blunt about it? You're kinda hurting my feelings."

Jisoo just laughs before patting her best friend's head.

 

* * *

 

"Rule Number One: No Falling in Love. Rule Number One: No Falling in Love. Rule Number One: No Falling in Love. Rule Number One: No Falling in Love," Jennie recites like a mantra as she cleans her office in her apartment.

She spots a cellphone on the floor under the table where Hanbin and her did it. She picks it up and instantly recognizes it as Hanbin's.

Jennie speed-walks as she goes out of her apartment, but not before fixing herself in front of the mirror.

"Jesus fuck, he's seen you look more wrecked than ever, he can handle you looking like you just shit yourself. Stop being so pathetic," Jennie mutters to herself as she tucks in stray strands of hair behind her ears.

She sighs, grabbing her keys and her bag. Her phone lights up as a message flashes on the screen.

_You better not be fucking that Hanbin guy again. Received at 6:13 PM_

_Don't be late today, this is the first time in months that we'll go out with Chaeyoung and Lisa again. Received at 6:13 PM_

_At least I have a reason to not stay there longer,_ Jennie supposes.

She presses the buzzer, only doing it to make her presence known, not really as permission to be let inside the unit. She types in the passcode and enters like it's her own house.

"Hanbin, you left your phone in my house. I'm just gonna leave it here on your — oh, hey, here's your phone." Jennie hands the phone back to its owner, then turning to leave.

Hanbin's hand stops her from leaving, his fingers wrapped around her thin wrist. He pouts, "Can't you stay?"

Rule Number One: No falling in love. Rule Number One-Point-One: In the event that you do fall in love, don't.

Jennie laughs her nervousness off, trying to ignore the fast acceleration her heartbeat takes up. "I have to meet with my friends tonight. Maybe you can go to the club now, make up for not going last night," she teases, although she absolutely hates the idea of other women being all over Hanbin, but hey, no strings attached, right?

Hanbin makes a face. "I hate the club."

Jennie almost sighs in relief.

"But anyway," Hanbin continues, his hand dragging down the hem of the shirt covering Jennie's neck, "why are you wearing this, I can't see the marks I gave you."

Jennie slaps his hand away before fixing her turtleneck top. "Exactly the reason why I'm wearing it." She rolls her eyes then turns around once again to leave. "Think of me when you're alone." Jennie winks before closing the door to Hanbin's apartment, the faint sound of his laugh gracing her ears as she walks away.

 

* * *

 

"Jennie's fuck buddies with a guy named Hanbin," Jisoo declares when all of them had sat already and given their orders to the waiter.

"Oh my God," is all Jennie says as she hides her face in embarrassment.

Chaeyoung gasps while Lisa laughs, almost hollering if not for the people around them.

"Want to know how I found out?" Jisoo smiles mischievously. The two youngest listens attentively, munching on the breadsticks the restaurant generously provided.

"Can we not talk about my sex life?" Jennie's eyes are wide in annoyance, her hands balled into fists.

"But I want to know how Jisoo found out," Lisa says, pouting.

"Lisa, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna make your hair more dreadful than when you had blonde hair," Jennie threatens.

Lisa gasps, grasping onto her (now auburn) hair. Although she had her hair dyed to a more natural color, she still can't help but be protective. She makes an offended face, replies, "How dare you call it dreadful?"

"It's true, Lisa. It was pretty but it was dead," Chaeyoung speaks up, but she isn't really looking at anyone, rather, on the food being served at the table beside them.

Lisa slaps her arm. Chaeyoung fakes being hurt, causing Lisa to panic and the other two to laugh.

Jennie missed them so much, even though they can be a pain in the ass sometimes. It has been five months since all of them had been complete again. (Don't ask how she hid her relationship with Hanbin because she doesn't know either.) Chaeyoung was always busy with her tours in South Korea, Japan, basically all of Asia. Honestly, Jennie doesn't know how she does it. Lisa's the same, touring Asia and the world. But she doesn't sing like Chaeyoung does, she works as a back-up dancer for the idol groups her company tours her with. And Jisoo, being a TV Producer, always has her hands full of papers and deadlines.

"I'm free on Tuesday, do you guys want to sleep over at my place?" Jennie suggests.

"You sure Hanbin won't be coming over?" Jisoo teases.

"Kim Jisoo, shut up," Jennie answers.

 

* * *

 

Tuesday night, 11:57 PM; Jisoo and Lisa are on the couch with their legs tangled up, Chaeyoung is lying on the floor hogging up the pillows and keeping the popcorn all to herself, and Jennie is on the one-seater, her legs dangling off the side and her fingers wrapped delicately on a small milk carton. They're watching re-runs of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that Jennie recorded on her TV.

Chaeyoung raised her hand, saying, "Who else cried when Raymond Holt was removed from the station?"

"No one else, Chaeng. You were probably the only one in the world who cried when he left. I got sad, but I didn't cry," Jisoo answers, stealing a pillow from her.

Chaeyoung lies on her back, a content smile on her face. "It feels nice to be called by my real name again. Junhoe's the only one who ever calls me by my real name besides my family and you guys. Everyone else calls me Rosé, it's kinda tiring."

"You could've just stayed as Park Chaeyoung, you know? Why did you have to get a stage name?" Lisa asks, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the unattended bowl.

"Thought it would be cool, now I'm just sick of it." The singer laughs.

The doorbell rings through the apartment. Jennie jumps up from her seat, expecting it to be the pizza delivery guy. However, Hanbin's silly smile shows on the screen beside her front door.

Jennie opens the door slowly, hoping that Hanbin stays quiet and leaves immediately when she tells him that her friends are sleeping over. But fate isn't siding with her because the moment she opens the door and tries to talk, Hanbin grabs her face and kisses her.

Alcohol, more specifically, vodka — Jennie can taste the strong flavor of the alcohol on his tongue and lips. Judging by how rough and impulsive Hanbin is acting, he may have drunk more than he can handle.

Before Hanbin can tear the shirt Jennie is currently wearing, the latter puts her hands on the former's shoulders.

Slightly out of breath, Jennie says, "Not tonight. My friends —"

"And here I thought it was the pizza delivery guy," Jisoo's voice sounds from behind Hanbin.

Hanbin's head falls on the wall beside Jennie's head. "Fuck, I'm so sorry." He winces at the pain in his head, both from the alcohol and from banging his head on the dry wall.

Jennie turns her head slightly towards Hanbin, she whispers, "It's okay." She pushes him off of her then wraps her fingers around his wrist. "I'm just gonna take him home," Jennie says to the three girls watching them.

"Uh-huh, that's not gonna happen cause he's staying," Jisoo tells the pair preparing to leave the unit.

Hanbin whips his head so fast he swears he can see three Jennie's.

"What?" Jennie asks, mortified.

 

* * *

 

"Here, have some coffee," Chaeyoung says as she sets down a cup of hot coffee on the counter top in front of Hanbin, who mutters a weak thanks.

"You seem... familiar." Hanbin scrunches his eyebrows as he tries to put a name to the face. After a few seconds, his face lights up in recognition. He says, "You're Rosé, right? I think I composed a song for you before."

Chaeyoung gasps loudly, the tips of her fingers touching her bottom teeth. "B.I? You wrote _Stay_ for me, and  _Perfect_ for Junhoe!" The singer exclaims.

Hanbin nods with a smile on his lips.

"Enough music talk." Jisoo holds her hand up to prevent the conversation from getting away from the task at hand, which is  _Make Hanbin Say They're Dating Since We Can't Get It Out Of Jennie._

With her goofiest smile, Lisa asks, "so, how did Jisoo find out about you and Jennie?" Her eyes are sparkling with innocent curiosity. If only she knew how Jennie and Hanbin got caught.

Hanbin chokes on his coffee. He stares wide-eyed at Lisa, then at Jennie, who's sitting on the edge of the counter. She's chewing on two slices of pizza — which arrived after the little incident earlier — pressed on top of each other. She looks at Hanbin out of the corner of her eyes and says;

"Don't answer that." She turns her head towards him. "Scratch that, don't answer anything at all."

"O–"

"I'll just tell them, then!" Jisoo exclaims, then goes on to tell everyone the story of how she met Hanbin, and how Jiwon met Jennie. An interesting story, if you ask Jisoo.

After Jisoo finished telling the story, Chaeyoung and Lisa both have their mouths open.

"You mean to tell me, Jiwon saw you naked before I did?" Chaeyoung asks, clearly worried about the wrong thing.

At least Hanbin laughs at the statement. So do the other two people in the room that isn't Jennie or Chaeyoung.

"Okay, you're sleeping outside tonight. I don't accept slander inside my own house," Jennie replies, and Hanbin laughs harder, his eyes crinkling at the sides. He looks so beautiful that Jennie thinks, he looks unreal even while laughing, that's not fair.

When she snaps out of her trance, she finds all of the people in the room staring at her, Jisoo having a knowing look. Jennie stutters, having caught at her weakest moment. "You – uh – you have an eyelash on your cheek." Her hand moves to pick up a nonexistent eyelash on Hanbin's cheek.

"Oh, thanks," Hanbin, whose ears have gone relatively redder, says.

Having seen the whole you-have-an-eyelash-on-your-cheek-let-me-get-it-for-you-and-make-you-blush shindig, Jisoo asks, "Since when have you two been this no-strings-attached thing?"

Hanbin counts with his hands, making the curious trio's eyes grow wider as he lifts finger after finger after finger. "Ten, if I remember correctly?" His eyes travel to Jennie's for confirmation, to which the latter nods to.

"And in the span of these ten months, you didn't tell anyone?" Chaeyoung inquires, eyes still a little wide.

Jennie and Hanbin — who might as well be called Bonnie and Clyde with how the trio makes it look like the two have gone commiting serious felonies across the country — both nod. The other three sighs in exasperation, not believing the fact that Jennie could hide something like this from them.

"You never planned on telling us? How did you two even meet?" It's Lisa's turn to ask the question this time.

Hanbin looks at Jennie again, asking her with his eyes if it was okay to answer. The brunette just shrugs, crossing her ankles. She had accepted defeat a while ago, there's no stopping the three from asking prodding questions anyway.

"At the bar. I was out with my friends and she was drinking by herself. We danced and one thing led to another, and here we are." Hanbin chuckles lightly.

"You made me look like a loser," Jennie quips.

"I mean, you kind of are." Hanbin shrugs, laughing at Jennie's offended face.

"So, you two really aren't in a relationship?" Jisoo raises an eyebrow.

Hanbin shakes his head. And he might think that Jisoo, Lisa, and Chaeyoung wouldn't notice, but the smile he has on his face is too hopeful and bleak at the same time to not catch.

"Okay, you can go home now. You're gonna have to postpone sexy time with Jennie today cause we're sleeping over." Jisoo stands up then gives Hanbin a smile.

He looks up. He wants to stay a little longer; he doesn't have to sleep with Jennie, he just wants to be with her. He wants to say all these things, but his mouth refuses to move from its current state — a forced smile. Hanbin wants to voice out what he truly wants, which is Jennie, Jennie, _Jennie_ , but his tongue gets caught between his teeth because he's a coward who uses sex as an excuse to be with the girl he likes. So he goes with one last smile, before Jennie closes the door.

And that is when Hanbin realizes that he is, in this context, metaphorically royally and eternally fucked.

 

* * *

 

"I'm fucked," are the words that leave Jennie's lips the moment she closes the door to her apartment.

"Not right now, you're not." Chaeyoung's voice pops up from the living room.

"No, I –" Jennie sighs, sits beside the singer on the couch and wraps her arms around Chaeyoung's waist. Jennie rests her head on Chaeyoung's shoulder. "I didn't mean literally. This is so frustrating."

"Unnie, you're really obvious, you know that?" Chaeyoung asks as she flips through the folders of TV series Jennie has on her TV.

"Seriously, I'd be surprised if he hasn't noticed it yet," Lisa says as she emerges from the kitchen with Jisoo, both of them holding cans of beer.

Jennie whines, hiding her face behind Chaeyoung's back. Jisoo presses a can of cold beer to Jennie's cheek. She says;

"I'm sure he hasn't. Men are oblivious." Jisoo shakes her head, then smiles before adding, "God knows how hard I tried to let Jiwon know I like him."

"That's so true, oh my gosh!" Chaeyoung almost jumps up in her seat as she aggressively agrees to Jisoo's statement. "When I told Junhoe that I like him, like outright told him, he was like, "oh, cool. I like you, too. You're cool." And when I told him that I like him that way, he was so confused." Chaeyoung impersonated her boyfriend, making the other three laugh. "I paid more attention to him and took care of him and he thought I was just being nice!"

"I think men are just dumb," Lisa says after taking a sip from her beer.

"Hey." Jisoo's serious tone causes tension in the air. The other three look at her with questioning and concerned looks. Jisoo fixes her gaze on Jennie; she asks, "Is Mino still bothering you?"

Jennie sighs in exasperation. She nods. "Do you remember that day you saw Hanbin and I in my office? Mino knocked on my door the night before, he kept asking me to forgive him and start over with him." She scoffs. "Like I'd ever take him back."

"Thinking about him still makes my blood boil." The scowl on Chaeyoung's face proves her anger just enough.

"So, Hanbin saw him?" Lisa asks.

Jennie shakes her head. "He left before Hanbin came." 

"Thinking about him and what he did to you still makes my blood boil." The scowl on Chaeyoung's face proves her anger just enough.

"Maybe you should move to a new apartment, or get a restraining order," Jisoo suggests.

"Or both." Lisa shrugs.

"I've actually been planning on moving to a new apartment because the traffic always sucks the life out of me before I even get to work." Jennie finishes her beer then rests her head on the back of the couch. "Who's free on Saturday to help me find a new one?" She asks as she lifts her head up again.

Chaeyoung raises her hand. "I'm on hiatus so I have a lot of free time!"

"Won't people recognize you, though?" Lisa asks, her head tilting to one side.

"I can just wear a mask, I guess. I also want to spend time with Jennie, I missed her so much." Jennie laughs lightly as Chaeyoung wraps her arms around Jennie's shoulder's and snuggles up to her.

"God, what a kid," Jisoo says as she shakes her head but stands up to throw herself at the two, suffocating them with her hug.

"Hey, let me hug her, too!" Lisa runs and wraps her arms on whoever she can, laughing loudly as they all crash on the carpeted floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a little uneventful i think? there wasnt much and the story's a little fast-paced dont u think? but yeah, im hoping to keep this short so :)
> 
> comments and kudos are much appreciated! hmu on my stan twt acct @softwonhu


	3. the fourth circle of hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im soooo sorry this took so long i just couldn't write ANYTHING. nothing was coming out of my head. every time i try to continue writing this chapter, i just delete it bc it's just.. shit. but anw, im sorry if this is too short and uneventful, but i promise ill finish this story.
> 
> enjoy i guess??

A cup of coffee sits idly on Jennie's work desk; its steam arising and mixing with the diffuser's own. Jennie stares at the amount of paperwork she has to read and revise, then at the frozen hands of the clock stationed beside her computer, then back at the pile of papers.

Jennie sighs loudly as she rests the nape of her neck on the back of her office chair. She closes her eyes for a brief moment before going back to work. She grips her pencil tightly over the paper as she reads the words, encircling phrases to change, and crossing out irrelevant sentences. She has make sure that their department's project's potential also shows on paper, otherwise her team's efforts will be in vain.

Three calculated knocks disrupt her focus before Jennie's assistant opens the door and speaks: "Miss Kim, someone would like to meet you. He's waiting in the lobby; says that you know him."

Fearing that it might be her ex, Jennie asks, "Can you tell me how he looks like?"

The assistant cocks her head to the side as she tries to remember. "I didn't get a clear view of how he looks like as he was wearing a cap, but he has a very prominent nose and his lips were plump."

Jennie chuckles lightly, saying, "Why did you describe him so dramatically?"

The assistant laughs with her before excusing herself.

Jennie finishes revising the page on her desk before grabbing her coat and cup of coffee, and going down to meet the man with a very prominent nose and plump lips.

 

* * *

 

  
The elevator dings and Jennie steps out. She spots Hanbin immediately, his back turned towards her. She walks up to him and taps his shoulder, she says;

"What's up?"

A look of relief washes over Hanbin's face when he sees Jennie. He places his hand over his heart, its beating slowly calming down. "Oh my God, I thought you wouldn't come down."

Jennie's eyebrows crease; she asks, "Why wouldn't I," confused as to why the composer would think that.

Hanbin diverts the conversation elsewhere by saying, "Have you eaten dinner?" The artificial lights in Jennie's office building shine on Hanbin's face as he tips his head to the side; hitting his face at just the right places. Jennie's breath hitches.

A couple of seconds pass before Jennie remembers that Hanbin asked a question and that she has to answer it. She shakes her head, "No, I haven't."

"Well come on, then." The brunet composer clasps his hand on Jennie's wrist before leading her outside into the night. "My treat."

"What are you being generous for?" Jennie asks with a laugh.

"Compensation." Hanbin gives her a toothy grin, lifting his cap to run his hand through his hair, then placing the cap back on again. "For last night."

"Wha—"

"Hush, we wouldn't want to keep the diner waiting."

"Diner?" Jennie asks excitedly as she falls into step with Hanbin. She hugs her coat tightly around her as the wind blows towards against them.

Jennie slips into the passenger seat as Hanbin holds the door open for her. He goes inside after closing the door after himself and starts the engine. He connects the aux cord to his phone and plays Dean's Instagram, a current favorite of his.

A comfortable silence blankets them, only the faint sound of the music filling the empty space. Jennie gazes out the window, her vision filled up with blurred neon lights and unfamiliar faces. She smiles to herself, the situation lightly reminding her of her and Hanbin's first encounter; only, it also involves of dirty dancing, slurred speech, and ear-blasting music.

"Hey," says Jennie as she turns her head to Hanbin, who just raises his eyebrows in question. "When we met, how long had it been since you broke up with your ex?"

Hanbin tears his eyes away from the road for a moment to look at Jennie; his eyes searching for any hint of mischief in the other's eyes. He finds none. "Why the sudden question?"

"I got curious." She smiles. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Hanbin stays silent for a while, and Jennie almost thinks that he isn't going to answer.

"Four to five, I think. I was getting better that time, so close to finally moving on. And honestly, I think I wouldn't have been affected by seeing her that day, but she was with him. She was with the guy I always got jealous of." The car stops in front of an 80's-themed diner, and Hanbin turns his head to face Jennie. The car is still running, and music is still playing. Hanbin says, "She was with my best friend." After a thought, he adds, "Well, ex-best friend."

Jennie's eyes widen, but Hanbin seems to be unaffected by it because he switches the engine off and tells her in the most nonchalant tone, "It's okay now, though. They've broken up and I don't like her anymore."

"Sorry for asking," Jennie mutters as they walk inside the diner.

"It's okay, it wasn't offensive." Hanbin smiles, but when he sees the regretful look on Jennie's face, his smile turns into a frown. He wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close; he says, "Hey, stop sulking. I told you, it's fine." He pats her shoulder twice before slipping into a booth.

Hanbin orders for the both of them as he frequents the food establishment quite a lot and knows all the best choices in the menu.

"Hey, have you ever arrived late to appointments because of the traffic?" Jennie asks after the waitress has walked away.

"I have, actually. Multiple times. Why?" Hanbin removes the cap he's wearing and places it on the table; he runs his hand through his hair.

Jennie cups her chin, her elbow on the table. "I always have to wake up an extra hour earlier just so I won't be late. It takes too much of my time." She sighs. "Do you know any good apartments 'round here?"

Hanbin ponders for a moment, realizing where this is going. Jennie will have to leave soon and he won't see her as much as he wants anymore. And maybe he should think of it as a good thing, he'll have to get used to not seeing Jennie often, and sooner or later, he won't have to see her anymore. He wouldn't have to deal with his feelings in the future, and everything will just fade away with the wind. It's a win-win situation for both of them.

Hanbin knows a lot of apartments in the area. He has a friend who lives on the apartment on the next block, so he has to say yes, right? It's for the better, anyway.

"Hanbin, you haven't answered my question," Jennie says as she waves her hand in front of the composer's face.

"No." Hanbin blinks. "No, I don't."

The food arrives and Jennie immediately digs in. Hanbin smiles. Just a little longer, he thinks, just let me be with her for a little longer.

Hanbin gave into his greed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh there u guys go. i know it's reaaaaalllllyy short and not my best but ill try to post a longer and better one on the next update. kudos and comments are much appreciated! thank uuu
> 
> i moved accts, so dm or @ me on twt, @peachywonho if u want to scream at me or smth.


	4. beer and secrets

Waking up has always been Jennie's least favorite part of the day, because it only meant that she has get out of bed and actually do something productive. Always being the top student in her class, Jennie has never given a day off for resting when she was still in school. And now, being her company's best employee, it's no surprise either that Jennie still decides to work, work, and work again during her weekends off. Being productive already became a part of her system, it was something she couldn't not be.

Jennie isn't sure if it was her competitiveness or being a perfectionist that always drives her to do her best, but somehow, she's thankful for it. She wouldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for either (or both, who knows) of those things.

And by 'far', she really means being late for her Saturday appointment because she only got seven hours of sleep the whole week to finish a project for a stuck-up billionaire planning to build a hotel.

“Fuck.” Is the first word that leaves Jennie's mouth when she opens her eyes.

“Hey!” A voice Jennie is all too familiar with resonates from the other side of the room, followed by the sound of hurried padding of feet on her bedroom's carpeted floor.

Jennie quickly covers her face in defense. She says, “I'm sorry.” She repeats her apology as she waits for the oncoming punches that will never come.

“Are you okay? I've been shaking you awake for the past half hour and you never budged," Chaeyoung says with a pout as she sits on the floor and rests her chin on Jennie's bed. She continues to say, “You haven't been getting much sleep, have you?”

“How'd you know? Have you been spying on me?” Jennie asks teasingly.

Chaeyoung slaps whatever part of Jennie's body she could. “Get up. We're supposed to go apartment hunting today, remember?”

 

* * *

 

 

“This unit is a lot bigger compared to the other units in the building. The owner of the building used to live here so that's why it's very spacious,” the manager of the apartment building explains as her, Jennie, and Chaeyoung enter the unit. She continues to say, “It has a lot of other perks; one of them having the access to the building’s rooftop. The door there at the corner opens to the staircase leading to the rooftop. You are the only one who has access to the rooftop. The help may only go there to clean, but of course, that also goes within your command. Another perk is the wonderful view of the city.” She walks towards the sliding door that opens to a wide balcony, revealing a breathtaking view of the city.

Jennie wanders around the apartment by herself while Chaeyoung keeps the manager busy by asking about nearby malls, restaurants, and convenience stores. The unit has a high ceiling, a feature Jennie has always wanted in her living space. It makes the area give an open feel, less confined. Two regular-sized rooms are stationed on the lower part of the unit; the upper floor covers at least a third of the unit, an empty space which can be used for the living room sitting directly underneath.

Jennie is sold. She doesn’t even need to see the other apartments to decide which apartment she’s gonna move into. The unit has a lot of thinking space, from the rooms, to the balcony, to the rooftop. Honestly, it was all she needed in an apartment. However, not wanting to sound too eager, Jennie tells the manager, “We’ll think about it. I’ll contact you when I’ve decided.” She smiles.

 

* * *

 

“You’ll _‘think about it’_?” Chaeyoung asks as they sit at a table in the corner of Japanese restaurant.

“I didn’t wanna sound desperate. I had to keep my cool.” Jennie shrugs.

“If it was me who was looking for apartments, I’d buy it then and there. I wouldn’t care if they think I’m desperate, because obviously, I am.” Chaeyoung slams her fist on the table, her eyes glowing with determination. For why, Jennie doesn’t know.

Chaeyoung’s next words explain her eagerness to get the apartment. “You have to get that apartment, or we’re no longer friends. I need to have drinking parties with you and the girls on that rooftop.”

Jennie laughs lightly, then nods. “I’ll call her when I get home. We can have the drinking party when I’ve finished moving.”

Chaeyoung claps happily, a bright smile on her face.

“But,” Jennie adds, “you have to help me with moving. You and your loud boyfriend.”

Chaeyoung’s smile grows bigger. She holds her hand out for a handshake, and says, “Call.”

“Call,” Jennie replies, taking Chaeyoung’s hand in hers and shakes it.

* * *

 

As soon as Jennie arrives home, she changes into more comfortable clothes, and calls the manager of the apartment she and Chaeyoung went to earlier to tell the manager of Jennie’s plans on moving in as soon as possible.

Jennie walks towards her kitchen and opens the refrigerator door. She grabs a can of beer and takes a long gulp of the bitter liquid. She sighs, then places the can on the coffee table before she gets started on packing all of her belongings.

Jennie finds tranquility in doing tasks by herself. She had always liked finishing something without the help of others; the feeling she gets after accomplishing something—that feeling of independence and success—of your hard work paying off. But it doesn’t always work in the industry that she’s in. She has to work with a team most of the time, and Jennie sometimes feels as if some of her co-workers are not trying hard enough to be their best and give their best. Her being critical and straightforward has also been a dilemma between her and her colleagues; her fiery personality is too much for them to handle at times, and has caused more problems to arise. Times like those, Jennie hates her independence, and how her parents raised her. Times like those, Jennie hates herself. Even her own self is not exempted from her criticisms.

For the longest time, Jennie had blamed herself for Mino’s cheating. She had believed that it was her own shortcomings that caused the man’s infidelity. She beat herself up for it, until Jisoo slapped her in the face—literally—and woke her up. Then after that she was just angry at herself for ever thinking that she was the one at fault, but mostly, she was angry at her ex-boyfriend: for lying, for wasting her time, for cheating, and for breaking her.

It was then at that time when she met Hanbin. He didn’t help Jennie forget, per se, but he did distract her whenever she was starting to think lowly of herself again—whenever she was starting to go back to that time in her life once more. Hanbin didn’t and still doesn’t know this. He doesn’t know how big his role is in Jennie’s life, which is why Jennie’s starting to get scared. She doesn’t want to go back anymore. She doesn’t want to get hurt again. She doesn’t want to lose one of the most important people in her life, because losing Hanbin meant losing a part of herself.

“Uh, why are you packing?” Hanbin’s voice sounds tired. Jennie supposes that he came straight from work. “Oh, and by the way, you really should change your password. 1111 was really easy to guess. Sorry I had to break in, I got nervous when you weren’t answering the door and your phone.”

Jennie’s heart skips a beat. She stares at him and smiles; she says, “It’s all good.”

“Are you moving out?” Hanbin asks as he kneels down in front of the box Jennie is closing. He grabs the packaging tape beside the box and runs it across the lips of the box, sealing it completely. “When?”

“Yeah,” Jennie answers. “The amount of time I waste in driving really messes up with my sleep and productivity.”

Hanbin stands up to get two cans of beer from Jennie’s fridge. He returns with the cans in his hands, and sits beside Jennie. He hands her the beer. They stay silent for a while, each taking turns in drinking from their own beers.

Hanbin breaks the silence first. He says, “I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot,” replies Jennie.

“Here’s the thing: I like someone, and—”

“And you want us to stop doing what we’re doing?” Jennie asks. She’s surprised her voice isn’t trembling, because she’s here—she’s arrived at that point she fears the most. She’s gonna lose him. And she never thought that it’s gonna come so soon. If she had known, she would have prepared for it, she wouldn’t have let herself fall so hard and so deep.

Hearing those words from Hanbin, Jennie feels like the world is crumbling to dust right beneath her cold feet. 

“No!—yes—kind of?” Hanbin cocks his head to the side, and looks up, thinking. “I do but I also don’t?”

“Well, make up your mind, then. You can’t have us both. Either you pursue her, and stop having sex with me, or you let her go , and continue being each other’s booty call. I’m not gonna let you cheat on her with me just because you can’t choose,” Jennie says as nonchalantly as she can. She almost breaks. She turns away from Hanbin and finishes her can of beer.

Jennie goes to her kitchen and takes out all of the cans of beer left in her fridge. She takes a deep breath to calm herself before walking back to the living room.

Their eyes meet. It's a brief moment, a passing glance, but it holds so much meaning, so much emotion.

Hanbin’s eyes were saying something, but Jennie couldn’t, for the life of her, pinpoint what Hanbin’s dark, expressive eyes were trying to convey. Jennie dares not to look back into his eyes again in fear of finding an answer. She decides that, at this moment, it may be better to not know anything and just be ignorant. Because maybe her ignorance may just be what would stop her biggest fear from realizing.

So, instead of asking—of prying into Hanbin’s life, Jennie purses her lips, and looks away.

“It’s complicated. I just—how do I say this?—fuck—okay—uh—shit.” Hanbin grabs a can from Jennie’s side and downs half of it. “You know what? Nevermind. Just pretend I didn’t say anything. Let’s just continue packing your things, and downing beer down our poor throats.” He smiles tiredly and clinks his can with Jennie’s.

The two continue carrying out their original agenda, talking as if their previous conversation never happened. But it’s bothering them, they don’t show it, but it’s messing up with their clueless minds. Greatly.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Jennie lies in her bed silently. Wondering whether she’ll be able to handle that feeling the third time around—that feeling of having a part of yourself ripped forcefully apart from you. It seems that she’ll be going back to that place once again, and she won’t be going back anytime soon.

She let her whole being be built with borrowed pieces from people that are dear to her, and be founded from the fear of having no one by her side. She never realized that at some point, people would have to leave, and this may cause her self be dismantled and end up in ruins. And she may never be able to build herself back up again. So maybe, it is, in some way, her fault for relying on other people so much. Maybe it’s this flaw of hers that hurts her so much—it’s her own self that hurts her so much.

And perhaps, it turns out, she’s been wrong all along. Jennie isn’t independent, after all. And she’s got no one to blame, but herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! so sorry for the long wait. im going thru a slump and not exactly at my best state wc is why i havent put out anything for more than a month. i didnt wanna force myself into writing and put out content that's even shittier and shorter than this one, so im very sorry. hope u can still stay as patient as updates will be tantalisingly slow since im still trying to get better. i apologize once again, and thank u, as always, for supporting my work/s, and ikon and bp.


	5. so, so fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> havent proofread this enough so this may contain mistakes sorry ://

“Unnie,” says Chaeyoung. “Who moves in at  _ Sunday  _ and on such short notice, too?” She grasps a pink coffee mug tightly so as not to drop it. “Full offense, by the way,” she adds.

Jennie spins on her foot to face the younger woman in her new apartment. With a hand on her waist, she says, “Don't you mean ‘no offense’?”

“Oh,  _ no.  _ I meant  _ exactly _ what I said. I wanted to offend you.” Chaeyoung smiles at her best friend.

Jennie just laughs and says, “Just get back to work, you brat. It's better to get things done, than laze off all day.”

Chaeyoung whines but continues to unwrap Jennie’s mugs, muttering about the rain, and cuddling, and Junhoe, who, unfortunately, couldn't come. He has a schedule to attend to in the morning, so he’ll only be joining Chaeyoung and Jennie after lunch. Which is why Chaeyoung has been whining all day; not only did Junhoe come home late the night before, but he had to leave in the early morning, too. Chaeyoung wasn't able to get her well-deserved good morning kisses from Junhoe, and a good-morning-kisses-deprived Chaeyoung is a grumpy and mean Chaeyoung.

Junhoe and Chaeyoung has lived together ever since they were in their sixth month of dating. They never announced it publicly, as they found no point in sharing every part of their private life. However, though their entertainment company’s artists all live in the same building, fans have speculated that the pair does live together. When Chaeyoung broke the news of her and Junhoe living together to Jennie, Jisoo, and Lisa, no one was surprised. They kind of saw it coming. Chaeyoung is a very affectionate person, tactile,  _ clingy _ . She often gets lonely when alone, too. But, it was Junhoe who proposed the idea of them sharing an apartment, and truthfully, Chaeyoung loved the idea so much she wondered why she hadn't thought of it.

“Did you tell Hanbin? Is he gonna come and help you or something?” Chaeyoung asks as she sets down the unwrapped mugs on the kitchen counter.

“No, why would I? And why would he?” Jennie replies with her back turned.

Chaeyoung sighs aloud. Jennie doesn't even need to mention it, Chaeyoung already knows that Jennie purposefully didn't tell Hanbin because she's avoiding him. “Why wouldn't you? I mean, you guys  _ have  _ been acquainted for  _ ten months _ , surely, there's  _ something _ that bloomed,” says Chaeyoung. When she sees Jennie fake-busying herself, she adds, “You know, like friendship?” Chaeyoung sees Jennie release a long breath. 

“He's busy,” Jennie answers simply.

Chaeyoung grows tired; bluntly, she asks, “Is he really busy or are you just avoiding him?”

“Can you just —” Jennie closes her eyes and exhales before continuing, “— let it  _ go. _ ”

Chaeyoung lets it go, but Jennie, although she was the one who asked, doesn't. She still thinks about it, about Hanbin, about her impulsive decision, and about how it would affect the both of them. She wants to stop thinking about Hanbin, even for at least a second, but ever since last night, she just  _ couldn't _ . She tries to distract herself by busying herself with the organization of the cutlery and other kitchenware in her new kitchen.

Jennie must have been so deep and so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice Chaeyoung talking to her, not until the younger was  _ literally shaking her. _

“What were you saying?” Jennie asks, eyes blinking and still adjusting to her surroundings.

Chaeyoung sighs; says, “Breakfast. I was asking about breakfast, Jennie. When are we going to have it?”

Jennie collects her thoughts and shoves it to the back of her head where it's dark and cold. She nods and grabs the pan from the hook on the wall. “Is omelette okay with you?”

“Of course! Is that even a question?” Chaeyoung teases, trying to make Jennie smile.

“Okay, well, cover up miss, we’re going outside.”

Chaeyoung nods enthusiastically, her eyes widening a little. “Are we gonna go shop for the ingredients?” She giggles, excited to do some grocery shopping.

Jennie nods as she grabs her keys and wallet.   
  


* * *

Bringing Chaeyoung to a grocery store felt like bringing a kid with you. She has been to multiple grocery stores before, but the sight of  _ food _ around her makes her giddy. The urge to just grab everything she wants and put them in the cart was too overpowering for Chaeyoung that Jennie has to put almost all of it back in the shelves.

“Chaeng, we’re shopping for me. Stop grabbing food I can’t eat,” Jennie reminds the younger teasingly.

“Then I’ll just go to your house to eat them,” replies Chaeyoung, the biggest smile on her face.

After paying for the groceries, the two set out the store with grocery bags in hand. Jennie stops midtrack, and Chaeyoung, who eventually notices that Jennie isn’t beside her anymore, turns around.

Sunshine illuminating the younger’s face, she squints and asks the other, “What are you doing?”

“I—I don’t know what to do, Chaeng,” says Jennie, her voice trembling.

“About what?” Chaeyoung asks as she walks toward Jennie. “Let’s talk about it in your apartment, okay?”

Chaeyoung keeps her arm looped around Jennie’s to at least give her some sense of comfort. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“He likes someone else,” Jennie says, her back turned to Chaeyoung. She busies herself with the batter, trying to distract herself to stop her tears from spilling over and ruining their breakfast.

“Unnie…” Chaeyoung trails off. Jennie can hear the sadness in the other’s voice, and it only makes it harder from keeping herself from breaking down.

“Do you want me to call Lisa and Jisoo?” Chaeyoung asks when Jennie only provides a simple hum as answer. “Do you want me to ask Junhoe not to come?”

“No, it’s okay, I trust him. I trust you guys,” Jennie says. She turns and faces Chaeyoung, forcing a smile on her lips. She sighs. “Can you help me with this?” Asks Jennie, struggling to open the pack of flour, her weak hands giving in.

“Of course, unnie.” Chaeyoung smiles. And so does Jennie. But everyone knew it wasn’t really a smile.    
  


* * *

Jisoo and Lisa arrives half an hour later, Junhoe, another twenty minutes. Jennie and Chaeyoung are eating when they arrive.

They all stay silent for a while, even after Jennie offers them food. They sit in wait for Jennie to speak. They’ve seen this before—this destructive side of Jennie. They’ve seen it, too much it’s become innumerable. Jennie becomes impulsive. And Jennie, she’s never impulsive. She calculates everything, thinks every decision over and over and  _ over,  _ until she’s sure it’s the right thing. But Jennie becomes impulsive. Sometimes she would buy an expensive bag—or bags; sometimes she would eat cake for days; sometimes she would dye her hair a crazy color—have it bleached then dye it pink, or purple, or turquoise, hell, maybe silver; sometimes she would leave. She would leave without telling anyone, not a trace in sight, just a paper saying she’ll be back. Jennie becomes impulsive. 

Jennie left. 

But, not really.

She’s still there, sitting on a stool, her hand wrapped around a tall glass of unfinished orange juice, her eyes dead set on the kitchen island. 

But Jennie left.

“Jen,” whispers Jisoo, careful.

Jennie lifts her head, stares at Jisoo. Jennie’s eyes become teary in a split second, glossy— _ lonely.  _ She says, breathless, “I love him.” 

“That’s…” Lisa trails off, looking at her everyone else, “that’s good then, isn’t it?”

“No,” Jennie whispers as she shakes her head. “It’s not, Lisa. It’s not.” Jennie smiles weakly.

Junhoe stares in concern but says nothing, instead he offers a glass of water.

Jennie rests her chin on her palm and scoffs. “He likes someone else. He told me,” explains Jennie. She releases a long exhale and continues, “He told me last night. So, I told him to choose because he can’t have us both. And he didn’t know what to do so he just… dismissed it.” Jennie bites her lip to keep herself from breaking out a sob.

No one says anything for a while, until Jennie breaks the silence once more and says, “I don’t wanna lose him.”

“Then why did you suddenly leave? Without even telling him?” Chaeyoung asks as she squeezes Jennie’s hand.

“I thought that—that if maybe, I was the one who left, it wouldn’t hurt. And that it would be okay. I’d be fine,” says Jennie, scoffs. “Well wasn’t I damn wrong?”

“Then talk to him, unnie. You can’t cry in here forever and never look back. You’ll never get over this if you do that. You have to stop running away from your problems,” Lisa says as softly but as bluntly as she can.

“Lisa’s right, Jennie. You have to stop making impulsive decisions whenever you’re like this.” Jisoo wraps a hand on Jennie’s. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s going to be alright. We’re here for you, you know that.” Jisoo gives a reassuring smile.

Jennie nods, then suddenly grabs Jisoo’s waist and buries her head in Jisoo’s stomach. Jennie cries, and cries and cries. She lets out choked sobs and muffled words. Jisoo could only hug her back because there was nothing else that could make Jennie stop from crying. Nothing, and no one, because he isn’t in the room.   
  


* * *

Jennie’s phone hasn’t stopped ringing in the past hour. Jisoo and Jennie were the only ones left in Jennie’s apartment. Lisa, Chaeyoung, and Junhoe had left a few hours before evening came. Jisoo forced Jennie to take a break, because God knows how much stress moving in to a new apartment is giving her.

The phone stops ringing, but it pings continuously from the texts that Hanbin keeps on sending Jennie. She sighs and mutes her phone.

“You’re gonna have to talk to him eventually, you know?” Says Jisoo. “And clearly, he wouldn’t be flooding you with calls and texts if he doesn’t care about you. You have to take the chance, Jen,” adds Jisoo, staring at Jennie as she tries to knock some sense into her.

“But he doesn’t care about me that way, unnie. He’s probably just wanting to fuck,” spits Jennie. The words are icy, and harsh, but it holds no venom, meaningless.

Jisoo grabs Jennie’s phone and reads Hanbin’s texts.

_ What happened to you?  _ Received at 7:01 PM

_ Jennie  _ Received at 7:01 PM

_ Where are you?  _ Received at 7:01 PM

_ Did you leave already?  _ Received at 7:02 PM

_ Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you didn’t know when you were moving out?  _ Received at 7:02 PM

_ Jennie please answer my calls  _ Received at 7:03 PM

_ Please forget what I told you last night  _ Received at 7:03 PM

_ Where are you, Jennie? Please.  _ Received at 7:04 PM

_ When I went inside your apartment it was empty. _

_ I could’ve helped you with moving out  _ Received at 7:04 PM

_ Why aren’t you answering?  _ Received at 7:04 PM

_ I’m worried  _ Received at 7:04 PM

_ Is something wrong?  _ Received at 7:05 PM

“Unnie! No, he’s gonna see that I’ve read his text messages,” says Jennie in protest as she tries to get her phone back.

“Well, maybe you  _ should  _ read his texts. Talk to him, Jennie,” replies Jisoo as she hands Jennie’s phone back.

Jennie’s phone vibrates. Hanbin’s caller ID flashes on the screen. Jennie looks at Jisoo who only nods in response. Jennie presses the answer button.

_ “Hello?”  _ Hanbin’s voice echoes through the other end. _ “Is everything okay?”  _

“Yeah,” Jennie breathes out. Jisoo widens her eyes at Jennie. She stands up and goes to the rooftop. “Everything’s fine, why wouldn’t it be?”

_ “I don’t know…”  _ Hanbin sighs.  _ “It’s just that you left without saying anything, and it was just so unlike you _ — _ to leave without a goodbye.” _

“Well, maybe you still don’t know me that well, Kim Hanbin.” Jennie chuckles lightly.

Hanbin says something in the other end, but Jennie doesn’t catch it. Just like how she doesn’t catch the way Hanbin would look at her, and only her. 

_ “Where are you right now?”  _ Asks Hanbin.

“At the rooftop. I have it all to myself, you know? I got a really good apartment now. It’s larger, and no ex-boyfriends or booty calls to disturb me at night,” Jennie jokes. It’s empty.

Hanbin’s laugh rings through the line, and Jennie almost sobs. She loves that sound, how sweet and adorable it is. And how it belongs to Hanbin. 

_ “So, am I not invited for the housewarming party?”  _

“I’ll think about it,” Jennie jokes once again. It’s still empty.

_ “Call me, okay? I’ll buy a hundred rolls of tissue for you housewarming gift so you’ll never run out,”  _ jokes Hanbin. It wasn’t empty.  _ “Oh, I can get you bath bombs, too. You love those.” _

“All right, you’re invited.” Jennie laughs lightly, then continues to say, “I’ll text you the details when I’m done moving in. You just have to have your way always; don’t you?”

_ “Please, Jennie, just admit that you want this as much as I do,”  _ Hanbin replies.

Jennie scoffs. “Yeah, sure, if that makes you happy.”

_ "Good night, Jennie,”  _ Hanbin says.

“Good night, Hanbin.”

  
  
  
  
  


“How’d it go?” Asked Jisoo, but before Jennie could respond, Jisoo says, “Let me guess, you still haven’t told him.”

Jennie smiles weakly then sit down. “He wants me to invite him to my housewarming party.”

“Wait, you’re going to have a housewarming party?” 

“Looks like I’m gonna have to now, don’t I?” Jennie chuckles.

“Oh, honey, you’re fucked.” Jisoo stands and pokes Jennie’s button nose. She heads for the kitchen and yells, “You are  _ so _ fucking fucked.”

Jennie groans. “Shut up.”

“You’re gonna have a housewarming party—” states Jisoo as she comes back and sits with a cookie in her hand, “—because Hanbin is going to come. And because you want to see him.” Jisoo points an accusing half-eaten cookie at Jennie and says, “You are  _ fucked. _ ”

“When you say ‘fucked’ do you mean fuck-fucked, or in love-fucked? ‘Cause I’m really confused,” replies Jennie.

“Both,” Jisoo deadpans. Jennie shrugs.

After a few seconds of silence, Jisoo asks, “So, are you okay now?”

Jennie smiles. She replies, “A little. We didn’t really talk about it—well,  _ I  _ didn’t, but, I guess you were right. It  _ was _ better to talk to him. I felt a little okay.” She smiles once again.

“You’ll talk to him about it, won’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jennie breathes out. “I have to, don’t I?”

 

“Yeah, you do.” Jisoo nods and smiles. She stands up and walks over to Jennie. She opens her arms and welcomes Jennie. “You’re doing great, Jen.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so............. uh i updated....... after almost a year.... i want to say im sorry for not putting out anything. im really sorry about that :(((( u guys may have given up on this fic already hhh but if u havent, thank u! thank u for reading and for waiting. i hope u enjoyed this rollercoaster of a chapter?????? until the next update!!
> 
> please leave a kudos if u liked it or comments or maybe shout at me at my stan twt acct @featkiho ♡


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